Ütterigner
Me and my brother have been travelling with a couple of other refugees from the Lugbûrz massacre. There is a Snaga Hai, irritating but it might prove useful if we get injured. It is accompanied by an Olog, which is small for its race but still a handy companion. There is another orcish peasant – proclaims herself a cultist of the Witch Queen and holds herself in far too high regard if you ask me.
We make our way into the Elf infested forest to regroup and it quickly becomes apparent that these unorganised veslingrs would not have lasted more than a day without our leadership.
SHAGBOC
We’re fighting these foul smelling boars and I notice one legging it. I’m not having that as that’s our dinner for the night. Also we need to get another ’cause that Ragrutt’s only gone and poisoned one. Anyway, here I am on my own chopping at this boar as my brother and the others are still fighting another boar, when I hear movement and bone crunching sounds coming from further in the woods. Shortly after My brother comes over and takes a blow at the boar killing it dead. Then I see a bloody great silver backed Warg staring at me. I look at him and the boar at my feet blood and guts everywhere.
“Go get your own, this ones mine!” I tell him. I hear him tell me to give him food as he’s hungry. My brother chops a leg of the boar and throws it into the jaws of the hungry Warg.
“Oi brother, this warg would be good to have on our side. Maybe he could be of some help, what do ya fink?” I ask Utteringner.
“Yeah we should try,” he replies. I tell Utteringner to bring the corpse with him as I charge towards the last remaining boar.
We see the Warg moving forward towards Shazguth as we hear her invite the warg to have one of the other boars that lay dead. Something’s not right as I notice the warg starting to fall asleep and I see the glint of metal in the hand of Shazguth. I rush over and try to grapple the shifty little shit but she’s all over the place so I punch her in the face knocking the little shit to the floor with a repositioned nose. Utterigner must have noticed something going on as he rushes over picking up the blade.
“She’s tried to kill the warg, the little shit. She’s lucky. I should have killed her!” I say to everyone.
We didn’t notice the figure of Ragrutt come round and stab the warg in the heart………”For fuck sake!”
Ütterigner
Sure enough, we’ve been in the forest no more than a few days when our new found travelling companions astound me and my brother with their incompetence. After going hungry for days, we’re lucky enough to wander into a pack of wild boar and one of them is trapped and badly injured in a deadly, grasping plant. We quickly set about the animals and are doing well until a huge silverback warg lopes into the clearing, asking for food.
Shagboc and me immediately see a potential ally but the witch decides to use her magic to put the thing to sleep and then goes to slit it’s throat. Well, my brother makes his feelings known – the witch was fortunate he did not kill her outright. But while he shouts and bawls, the sneaky little Snaga, creeps up to the warg and takes it upon himself to complete the witch’s goal.
To make matters even worse, the warg’s mate then appears. Turning the Snaga over to the silverback’s mate seems the logical resolution but the beast could not be mollified and we ended up killing that one too. Such a waste. Well, at least we aren’t hungry any more!
A few days pass. The Snaga returns from scouting to report the smell of sweet smoke – I smell nothing. We send it to gather more information, with a clear warning to keep silent. It comes back shortly, brimming with nervous excitement. Says there are some Dwarves, a domesticated boar and a wagon. Finally – we will be able to replenish our supplies.
As me, my brother and the Snaga quietly surround the camp, Jabir, the Olog, blunders through the forest creating havoc. Luckily we use the distraction to our advantage. The cowardly witch hangs back, pissing about. No doubt leaving the work up to us.
We take the Dwarves by surprise and I stroll into the clearing to see Ragrutt put the first one down with a savage knife to the groin! I’m so shocked, I can’t get my words out. When I try to shiv one of the two remaining vitskertr, I make a complete arse of my attack. I hope my brother doesn’t see – it will give him ammunition for days!
Anyway, we kill the filthy dwarves with little trouble. I hate to say it but the little Snaga did us proud. Even the witch proved competent this time. Used her magic to put the boar to sleep, making it an easy kill and a fine dinner.
Afterwards we ransack their little campsite, eat their food and drink their drink. Take their coin and destroy anything we don’t keep for ourselves. In the morning, the orc cultist says she dreamt a vision of the Witch Queen. Told her to head for the source of the enchanted river to some big standing stone. Well, as we’ve nothing else to do, it seems a decent enough goal. Good to have something to head towards.
RAGRUTT’S SECRET DIARY
Date: 7th of being in nasty wood
Ragrutt has mostly recovered myself from thinking I’m going to be cruelly snuffed out by the stinking, big dog and then by ‘master’. I don’t understands why they thinks they can tame a stinking warg, so I did the sensible thing killing it, because Ragrutt is clever, more clever than this crew but they thinks they is very clever but they can’t even read this thing here, so they will never know what Ragrutt writes so I can write all my SECRETS right here and they will never know, no not never.
Master likes to think he knows everything but Ragrutt will just make him think he commands me like I will ask him everything all the time and do what I’m told so he doesn’t smash my face in but I will be sneaky clever and get my own way so he doesn’t know. He is ugly inside and out. Ragrutt will stay away from him and his ugly brother who punched the female witch and they told the warg to come and kill me.
When we was all resting, I took out my special rock and said hello to FLYTRAP my spider. I keeps her in my special rock which is special because one time Ragrutt saw the WITCH QUEEN piss on it yes she did. So Ragrutt tooked it. I know my spider is female because one time she had BABIES (not the witch queen) and there was loads of them and they grew and scimpered and scampered off to be spiders after a while.
Date: 8th of being in stinking wood
I found some little eye openers by being sneaky and searchy by the sleepy river and woked up the female witch who could be Ragrutt’s friend because we agreed on the warg thing and she is small like me and does good spells. Then I bandaged her up and she is GOOD AS NEW but did I get many thanks no I did not. They all thinks Ragrutt is small and stupid but they still wanted me to scout ahead because they know I am quiet and careful and clever like that so they don’t even know what they know about Ragrutt because they is stupid accept maybe the giant one cos he let me ride in his pocket that one time but he is very big which makes him act stupid sometimes.
Then Ragrutt was sent to find the smoke smell and there was three DWARVES! They had a shed on wheels and we decided we would kill them and take all their stuff. Ragrutt snucked in and stabbed and stabbed and stabbed and beardy was good as dead. I said to ‘master’ LOOK, Master, LOOK what Ragrutt done and he didn’t care and he was useless, they all were not like Ragrutt who stabbed more and more and then all the dwarves were DEAD!
Ragrutt was not allowed to search until ‘master’ had finished smashing stuff up like a clumsy stinker but he did give Ragrutt some gold but I don’t know whats to do with it. Ragrutt was allowed in the shed on wheels eventually and found some useful healing potions which they were too stupid to know what was in front of them and EVEN BETTER a bottle of Black Lotus for the forbearance of the will so Ragrutt sneaked it into his pocket.
Master tried to take the beardies armour and Ragrutt tolds him it’s right size for me but he had to try cos he is stupid but I now have it so Ragrutt has ARMOUR!
I tolds them we should tame the boar and use it to carry us through the stinking wood in the shed on wheels but master told me to fuck off and they are stupid because they wanted to tame a warg because it makes them look big but don’t see that taming a boar to carry us on the wheels makes us look clever and is a clever thing to do because they is stupid.
Leave a Reply